papa

Thursday. 1 day before my birthday.

It is 17.30 in here and a line message came up from my phone and it is from my dad. He said “ de, what are you doing? What time is there?” and “ happy 21st birthday dede, it is already 1 AM here, so it is already 6 march, your birthday”

He called me, video call exactly. Right after I answer it and see his face, I cry. I don’t know why, I just cry and sobbed like a child. He asked, “Why are you crying? Are you sick? Is everything okay?” And I just said, “ I just miss you, pa”

“It is okay nak” “ udaah jangan nangis lagi yaa, kan ga ada apa-apa kita semua sehat, udah ya nak” those comfort words makes me even want to cry. At the end I just said, “Love you pa” and “dede sayang papa”.

It is not the first time I celebrate my birthday without my family and we usually don’t over celebrate birthday neither, but I don’t know why it feels different. Perhaps I am too far away from home.

My dad was the first who said happy birthday and it is very unusual. The distance makes me realize how much he means to me and I love him even more.

I regret I haven’t spent more time with you and mama. I regret I haven’t enough our time together even in simple conversation through messages.

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I just miss you and can’t wait to see you soon. Love you pa.

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